


we messed around until we found it

by blametheone



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 - Freeform, Aha, F/M, Forbidden Love, Hidden - Freeform, Implied Larry, M/M, Zayn leaving the band, fetus One Direction, i won't mind, louis exploding, the struggles of Liam and zayn, ziam, ziam palik - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 11:29:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4099369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blametheone/pseuds/blametheone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Staring across the room and trying to remember the lyrics to his song. </p><p>Blushed cheeks and cast-away eyes and he was already gone for the pretty boy he had to share a band with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we messed around until we found it

**Author's Note:**

> Title and lyrics throughout the song copied (title adapted) from "I Won't Mind" by Zayn Malik. I do not own the song nor the characters in this story.

**2010.**

He was gorgeous.

That is the only word for him, gorgeous.

Staring across the room and trying to remember the lyrics to his song. Blushed cheeks and cast-away eyes and he was already gone for the pretty boy he had to share a band with.

"Liam! Focus!"

"Zain! Where's your head, man?"

Liam felt his life falling apart and regathering itself and Zain's feet, and if Zain didn't feel like his breath no longer belonged to him.

**2011.**

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

It got worse and worse as contracts were signed and he got older. He got more and more perfect with every month that ticked past.

But then she came into the picture.

 _Her_. Her and her bright eyes and flowing hair and over-the-top mascara and impressive diaphragm.

A brief fling, he hoped, a night or two. But he was wrong, oh he was so, so wrong. That's how it started, how it was meant to be.

She was pretty and he was lonely. They were meant to sleep together, sign a few forms and let Liam forget that his disgusting crush was ridiculous. Let Liam forget that Zayn liked  _girls_ , pretty, artist, punk girls who could sing with him and paint their names on his heart.

And then Zayn was whipped, completely, head over heels for the little girl with the big voice.

And Liam was whipped, completely, head over heels for the straight boy with the little girl with the big voice.

**2012.**

They shouldn't have lasted anywhere near as long.

Zayn and Perrie, Perrie and Zayn, the names swum around Liam's head like bees in a hive, and they hurt, they hurt more than any sting.

Zayn was completely and utterly in over his head for that girl, and why shouldn't he be? She was gorgeous, she sounded gorgeous, their personalities fit perfectly, they were both in the same career and she was just generally his type.

Zayn, however, found it important to prove to everyone that he was no longer whipped, and that they weren't, in fact, perfect for each other, because they broke up.

"So, how's Pez?"

"Oh, we, um... we're, like, not together?"

They broke up, mutually decided to remain best friends and this is what they planned to tell people, tell the public that they had split on good terms - but since when did Zayn have any control over what he told the public?

"You'll stay together for a year, people have been assuming about you, Zayn. Besides, Little Mix needs fans, which you are bringing in."

_What? But you can't! That isn't fair!_

"Okay."

And Liam felt himself drift closer and closer and closer and,

"Liam, I really fucking like you."

"Okay."

**2013.**

"You found them doing  _what?!"_

They were caught. Caught in the tour bus at three in the morning, and reported straight away because it was an "issue they have to deal with sooner rather than later".

"We  _already_ have  _enough_   _SHIT_ to deal with between  _Harry and Louis!"_

"That's not right, _you can't decide you love each other!"_

"You told us you were  _straight!"_

"What would your _parents_  think,  _huh?"_

"What's next?? Niall's a fucking  _woman?!"_

"Fucking  _boybands_ , might as well change the tour name to  _'GAY ORGY'_  why don't we?!"

"Liam, get a girlfriend!"

"Zayn, go by a ring, you're going to have to propose to her."

Tears and sobs and screams and,

_"Okay."_

**2014.**

"Zee, you can't-"

"Fuck off, Liam."

"It's not her fault-"

"Fuck off, Liam!"

"No, Zayn, you can't keep doing this to yourself-"

"LIAM!" he screamed suddenly, roughly shoving the strong arms away. "JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, PLEASE!!"

"... okay."

Months of avoided glances and playing his high note God knows how many times over in the one remix. 'Zayn's sick', 'long-hair-don't-care', and then November-

"Zayn, you look like shit," Liam pursed his lips as they sat side-by-side in the car, staring straight ahead to avoid the older's glare.

Zayn just smirked and blew more smoke - not legal, definitely not legal - out of the window, eyes rimmed red and surrounded by deep purple bags. He looked over at Liam and grinned through watery eyes, tears gathered by the effect of some new substance, some new thrill off the high, rather than the younger Zayn that Liam used to know who would be crying because he didn't sing well enough.

"Thanks, babe, same to you."

Harry was sick, his off notes were forgivable, but Liam wanted to strangle Zayn (Zayn who was never off, Zayn who used to shudder and swear at the telly whenever a story about a drug addict popped up, Zayn Malik who cried at fear of publicly embarrassing himself).

Or perhaps just have nothing to do with him at all.

**2015.**

"I'm leaving."

Walls crumbling and worlds collapsing, Liam's mind played what it must have thought was a horrible joke by replaying everything leading up to this moment he should have seen coming. All the song writing, the close ties with other people (Naughty Boy) and severed ties with his band (Harry, Niall). Everything.

"You motherfucker," was the first thing that fell out of Louis' mouth, cutting off the sour taste on the tip of Niall's tongue. "What? You think a few bad rumours is too much?? You think this gives you permission to leave now?! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I GO THROUGH  _EVERY FUCKING DAY?!"_

"Louis-"

"NO!" he stood, almost reaching eye level with Zayn's slumped form. "WE MADE A  _PACT_ , MALIK!! What the fuck is wrong with you?! We just have to stay together, stick it out for the rest of this year, just a few fucking months, and we're DONE!! But no, excuse you, you're Lord Zayn Malik, aren't you!? The whole fucking world falls at your feet and if it doesn't fall correctly you throw a tantrum like a five year old girl!!"

"Lou-"

"No, don't speak to me!" Louis sneered, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a pack and lighter. "Go be a solo artist, why don't you? A 'normal twenty-two year old', eh?"

Louis shook his head and shoved a cigarette between his teeth with his arse pushing the door open, clapping his hands cynically.

"Great fucking excuse for, 'I don't want to be here anymore', Zee. Get fucked, why don't you?"

Zayn watched as Louis left, Harry waiting about two seconds before jumping up and following him out. Niall rolled his shoulders and stared at the floor, and Liam stood.

"You know he doesn't mean it, he's just angry," he whispered. Zayn looked at him.

"Are you?"

The silence that sounded throughout the air reminded Liam of a flatline, deafening as it cut through.

"... good luck," was all he said, all he could say, following a Louis' footsteps out of the back door.

 

_"Don't look around, 'cause love is blind, and darling right now I can't see you."_

Liam but his lip as he played his boy's soft voice - kicking himself for calling Zayn 'his boy' because neither of those words were true. Zayn had not been a boy since he first walked into the hotel room with Louis in tow and asked Liam to help him roll the joint. Zayn had not been his since he turned around and said that he wanted to be alone.

 

_"'Cause we are who we are when no one's watching."_

_"I won't mind, even though I know you'll never be mine."_

"We have to do a photoshoot without you, babe," he whispered, knowing he'd start proper sobbing if he raised his voice any higher. "It feels wrong, it feels so wrong. They're changing the prints for all the merch, every picture-"

"Did you check Wikipedia?" Zayn chuckled down the phone receiver. "Or the website?"

"No, why?"

"They've taken me out of literally everything, man. It's fucking funny."

"It's not funny," Liam pouted, feeling a smile tug at his lips and tears prick at his eyes at the same time, mind conflicted between talking to Zayn on the phone and having to talk to Zayn through the phone.. "It's not the same without you."

There was a long pause of silence that Liam wanted to shred with his fingernails.

"Is Louis still pissed at me?"

Liam sighed. "We're all still pissed at you. Harry's livid, Niall's trying to forget anything happened. Fuck, Zayn, I'm pissed at you."

"Then why are you still talking to me?"

Liam moved the phone away from his face as he wiped a stray tear. Why the hell was he crying anyways?

"Because the last time I stopped talking to you, you left."

 

_"And right from the start, you know I got you..."_

_"We messed around until we found the one thing we said we could never live without."_

 

"Nice song, babe," Louis smirked down at the phone resting between his elbows on the table. "Song about secret love or whatever when you’re publicly engaged, nice job."

"Oh, yeah, says  _you_. Mister _Literally Every Song We Ever Had._ "

Louis chuckled at the giggle that emitted through the speaker.

"Did you know that you and Liam are more obvious than me and Harry?" Louis chuckled. "You little fuck."

Zayn giggled again. "Yes, yes I did know that. You guys are our, like, invisibility cloak or something, babe, thank you for that."

"You're such a little shit, Malik, I swear to God."

 

_"I won't mind... even though I know you'll never be mine."_

 

"I love you."

"I miss you."

"I need you."

_"Okay."_


End file.
